i thought, or hoped, that not caring would protect me, keep ...

i thought, or hoped, that not caring would protect me, keep me invulnerable. but after a few years of studiously not caring, i was drained. i had believed that indifference would be easy. but caring is what gives color to life, and spending most of my waking hours performing labor that didn’t matter to me trapped me in a persistent grayness.

www.joshbeckman.org/notes/468479903